On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
