I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
