it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
