I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
