please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
