i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
only if we run a train.
done.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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