WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I love black thongs
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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