I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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