New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We are all done wearing pants today
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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