I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
