Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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