Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
