I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
