Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize