so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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