you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
