matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Buhtt sex?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
