the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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