Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
