He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize