hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize