Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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