Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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