There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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