true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
