you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
