she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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