did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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