I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
there's paper in my vomit.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
