ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
