walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
