Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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