I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
