you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
