My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
