idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
