Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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