he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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