Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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