you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
