the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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