If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
