Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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