Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
