I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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