I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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