how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
