walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
