why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
