After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Shame is for Republicans.
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