just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
