I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
