when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
