6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just found puke in my bra..
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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