I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
