found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize