I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
