Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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