So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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