Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
