I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
How's work?
Spinning.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
