I just pynch a tree in the face
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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