ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
