I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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