none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
