Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
