worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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