Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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