I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You ate ashes out of my bong
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
