So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
