i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just saw a hot homeless man
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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