would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
