My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
