I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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