i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
