I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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