My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
