I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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