I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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