Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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