Your tits are I can't wait for
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
