I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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