Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
