I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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