You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
