dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
