Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
