YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
