There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
