Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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