I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
