You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize