Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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