I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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