I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize