Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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