There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
