You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I believe in your delicious
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
