I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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