Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Everything about him screamed your future.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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