She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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